This just in: I was walking down the street today when I came across a man wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. I stopped him and asked if I could interview him. Here is the “hypothetical” interview.
Me: What did you think when you saw Trump on stage with Putin? He said our intelligence was wrong. He blamed Russian interference on the United States and said that he didn’t believe Russia interfered with our elections because Putin “strongly” denied it.
MAGA: Trump is a genius. He is playing Putin. Right now, Putin is fooled into believing that Trump is his friend. Trump will use this to his advantage later. He pretended to agree with Putin but really he doesn’t.
Me: Speaking of “later”, what did you think when Trump later said he believed our own intelligence agencies and blamed Russia for interfering in our elections?
MAGA: Trump speaks his mind. When he makes a mistake, he’s a man about it. The only reason we are even talking about this is because the fake news is trying to bring him down.
Me: Last night, Trump reversed himself yet again and said the Russian interference thing was all a hoax. How do you explain that?
MAGA: The press has always been against Trump. This is fake news. If this was such a big deal, why didn’t they throw Hillary in jail over her emails or Benghazi?
Me: Tell me what you know about Hillary’s emails or Benghazi.
Me: Okay…new subject. What do you think about Trump’s immigration policies?
MAGA (evangelical version): Everyone knows that Muslims are infiltrating our country. They are terrorists and they are trying to bring Sharia law into our country. God has sent Trump to us in order to preserve our Christian heritage just like our founding fathers wanted.
MAGA (white supremist version): Everyone knows that Mexican gangs are flooding across our borders. What we should be talking about is the fact that Democrats want Mexican gang members here so that our daughters will be raped. Trump is just trying to preserve our white culture, just like the founding fathers wanted.
I started to ask about Trump’s economic policies, his foreign policies, his attacks against NATO and his propensity to lie…about everything…but I could tell the interview was over as MAGA’s eyes began to glass over. It looked like he’d run out of data and would not be able to talk again until a fix of FOX NEWS tells him what to believe.
Time to save the world.
Up, up and away…