This just in: I have discovered the reason Hillary is beating Trump so badly. Campaigning for him is Pence, the VP candidate; whose strategy appears to be explaining how Trump didn’t mean what he said. Campaigning for Hillary is the Obamas, Biden and Trump himself.
That’s right. Trump is helping Clinton. In fact, if he had been the only person on the debate stage last night, he would have lost by a landslide.
I’m going to paraphrase some of last night’s highlights:
Trump: “No one respects women more than I do. However, I must stay, Hillary is being a little bitch right now.”
On the economy...
Moderator: “Mr. Trump, every expert says your economic plan will drive the world into a recession beginning about 8 minutes after you take the oath of office.”
Trump: “I am going to create so many jobs that we will all be rich. I’m going to cut taxes in half and increase spending as I lower the debt. Our growth rate will be 4%…no…let’s make that 6%.”
Moderator: “How will you do that?”
Trump: “I have no fucking idea…I mean…ISIS is Obama’s fault.”
On foreign policy...
Trump: “I will crush Iran and Jina. I will cancel every trade and military treaty which will cause the world to hate and mistrust us. I will then blame this on Hillary and a rigged media.”
Trump: “If Putin were here right now, I would grope him so hard.”
On the election...
Trump: “My plan is to blame everyone and everything but myself when I lose. I will then rally my tattered followers into groups of militia who will roam the countryside armed to the teeth. Their goal will be to make America great again.”
I am, at once, amazed and extremely entertained by the phenomena that is Trump.
As I’m writing this, a Trump commercial just came on asking people to vote online in the following poll: Press “1” if you want Trump who is an outsider, not afraid to speak his mind or press “2” if you want Hillary who is a lying slut.
I can’t believe we think this is acceptable. If being an outsider is a perfect qualification, why not vote for Charles Manson or a beached whale?
Gotta run and save the world…I don’t have to worry about The Donald. He’s killing himself without any help from me.
Up, up and away…