This just in: It’s harder than you might think to put a positive spin on eating 10,000 calories worth of chocolate covered pretzels in one 20-minute sitting.
I’ve settled on “If no one actually sees you eat them…it doesn’t count.”
So here I sit “coughing” these delicious delicacies down by the fistful. I can actually feel the pounds melting away.
Of course, I am at the “free banana lounge” known as the United Club in Chicago’s O’Hare airport. I’m going home for the weekend after a few days of saving the world in North Carolina. This is a beautiful state with an uncanny ability to dump rain on you even when there isn’t a cloud in the sky. They also have great BBQ and a compulsion to give you a side of hush puppies no matter what you are eating. Last night I had the BBQ pork. I finished it off with a bowl of vanilla pudding and a side of hush puppies.
You may have gleamed from today’s blog title that I intend to brag about my past predictions. You are correct. I have not missed a single prediction since I mistaking picked, sight-unseen, Cowboys V. Aliens to be a blockbuster.
Prediction 1: This is more of a correct observation. This Benghazi thing always struck me as “What scandal are you talking about?” type of thing. When Obama said, “There is no there, there,” I thought “exactly.” While there is still some “residual outrage” on the matter, I attribute this to it being easier to fool people than to convince then that they have been fooled.
Prediction 2: Austerity, the Republican’s answer to “If Obama spends a dime we’ll look bad” is a global failure. Remember when Romney toted “studies” that proved cutting government spending during a recession was a good idea? It turned out that he was talking about 4 progressive bloggers and a single study done by economists from Harvard. A couple of weeks ago, that study was found to be so riddled with flaws that the actual results, once corrections were made, said the Republican economic plan of austerity was a bust. If that were not enough, all of Europe agrees since they did what the Republicans are recommending and immediately went into recessions number 2 and number 3.
Prediction 3: AP scandal is as empty as Benghazi. Only Fox is still outraged at this one. Why? Well first of all, it tries to blame Obama for something the Republicans made possible by filibustering a media protection bill in 2011. This is a tried and true favorite of their base – Push the cookie jar off the shelf and point at Obama. Secondly, the government subpoenaed these records in search of a person leaking national secrets and it turns out that person is one of Fox New’s chief news guys.
Prediction 4: The IRS scandal is a bust. This is an easy one. The more congress digs, the more their hidden money tricks become exposed. So they are all fussing now but are secretly looking for a way to make this go away.
Prediction 5: The GOP is actively looking for a distraction from the following facts: (1) they made up Benghazi and (2) they made up the AP scandal and (3) they made up the IRS scandal and (4) their economic plan has been given a GLOBAL thumbs down and (5) they can’t keep their extreme right from saying ridiculous things like a woman must give birth to a baby even if it has no brain. So, they will either come up with another faux scandal or they will find a way to go to war. Just today, the House Republicans approved a bill that will allow Israel to declare war on Iran for us. I could go along with this as soon as Israel starts paying taxes.
Prediction 6: This new Pope is way better than the old Pope. First of all, he doesn’t look like Simon Barsinister. He is also in favor of helping the poor and now he is embracing atheists (although they are apparently still going to hell…alas…) This “helping the poor” thing will be a true test of faith. Who do you believe in: The Republicans that blame poverty on sloth or Jesus who saw only need and tended to it.
Time to refill my Cup-O-Salty Chocolate and then catch a flight.
Up, up and away…