Time to interview a Republican

Posted on January 15, 2020 by admin

This just in: Once upon a time, I was a Republican. Once upon a time, I never voted along party lines. Today…I can tell you that I will not vote for anyone in the Republican Party or for anyone hoping to join that bowl of corruption.

Still…we do agree from time to time. Read the following “Interviewing an average Republican on the street” transcript and see if you can find the common ground.

Me: There is overwhelming evidence that Trump held back funds for Ukraine in an attempt to benefit himself personally. Why is this not an impeachable offence.

Republican: They had all of the chairs in the wrong place during the witch hunt.

Me: I see…Let’s try this….Why should Trump be allowed to assassinate a top official of a foreign country that we are not at war with.

Republican: He was a bad guy. We are better off without him.

Me: That may be true. But, does this imply that we can assassinate anyone that we consider a bad guy? Specifically, should that be done without consulting Congress?

Republican: The Democrats love terrorists and hate Americans so Trump had to act on his own.

Me: Let’s move on. Recently, on a United Airlines flight, I was offered an egg-white and Kale Pastry. Isn’t this just taking some fashionable health food and wrapping it in a donut?

Republican: Yeah. That’s some bullshit right there.

Me: Recently, at a rally, Trump talked for about 2 hours. An analysis showed that 75% of the claims he made were easily proven to be false; and yet, his fans still love him and even cheered at the lies. How do you explain this.

Republican: Trump was sent by God and we all know that God works in mysterious ways.

Me: Try again but this time be honest.

Republican: Okay…just this once…Trump is working to keep out people that are not white or that worship a different collection of magic than I do.

Me: With regards to Trump’s impeachment, why won’t he let people that are in his inner circle testify. Wouldn’t they be able to clear his name if he is, in fact innocent.

Republican: No, you shut up.

Me: Why are you fingering that gun stuffed in your belt.

Republican: You are confusing me with facts and I find that threatening.

At this point, I decided to end the interview.

Time to save the world.

Up, up and away…

Jim

Interviewing Republicans

Posted on October 11, 2019 by admin

This just in: The White House, a couple of weeks ago, released a partial transcript of a phone call between Trump and the leader of Ukraine.

There are two things about this; one is in dispute and one is not.

First, Trump asked Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden. The president of the United States asked the leader of Ukraine to investigate Trump’s political opponent. This is not in dispute. You can read it yourself.

Secondly, it appears that Trump is asking for a favor (investigate Biden) in exchange for U.S. military assistance. The reading is fairly clear on this but if you don’t want to see it that way, there is some wiggle room.

Both of these are wrong, highly illegal and impeachable offenses.

There is a whistleblower that is also saying that Trump said what we saw he said in the transcript. In other words, we have a transcript from the White House that agrees with the whistleblower.

In response, the Republican Party defends Trump by pretending the transcript, which we call all see, does not exist and therefore, the whistleblower is the only evidence of wrongdoing. They also say that we should make the whistleblower’s name public – the exact opposite of what whistleblower legislation allows. The consensus opinion on this is that this is just witness intimidation….which is also illegal but is now supported by the entire Republican Party.

Lately, reporters have been asking Republican Congressmen if it is okay for a president, any president, to ask a foreign country for help against a political opponent. They don’t say “Trump” but just ANY president. Note: The correct answer is “That is not okay and is highly illegal.” So, there is a simple, single, correct answer.

Here is how various Republicans are answering the question: “Is it okay for any president to ask the leader of a foreign country for help against a political opponent?”

“I like poptarts”

“I just pooped myself a little.”

“Red crayons taste strawberry.”

“What’s really important is Benghazi.”

“No hablo Ingles.”

“This is really about Obama and you see that politicians when climate change hoaxes us out about China is cheating really bad but sends beautiful letters while Biden which hunt.”

“I know a kid that belongs to 5 book clubs.”

“I am outraged that the Democrat committee arranged chairs in a semi-circle instead of a straight line. How is that fair? This is an outrage!”

This is just a small sampling. I wish someone would put together a string of these and post it on Youtube. I would find it funny. Republicans would watch themselves say something and then turn to whoever was watching with them and say, “I didn’t say what you just saw me say.”

Time to save the world.

Up, up and away…

Jim

How I Would Interview Trump

Posted on September 21, 2018 by admin

This just in: Trump says/does two things that I think he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with.

The first thing he does is make grandiose generalities about his performance; things like “I’m saving Social Security. The Democrats want to destroy it” or “No other president has accomplished more than I have.”

The second thing he does is justify his positions by claiming some unseen crowd has told him that this or that is the right thing. For example, “Sessions is a terrible Attorney General. Many people have told me I should fire him” or “A lot of people are telling me that this North Korea thing has gotten much better since I stepped in.”

Let’s face it. I could do this. In fact, anyone could do it. Any person on the street can tell you “I have done more to improve healthcare than anyone ever. In fact, everyone I know agrees with me.”

See how easy that is? It’s not true but it’s easy.

And it works because no one is challenging him. This means that when he says and does ridiculous things that his supporters want to believe is true, there is no one standing up and saying, “The King has no clothes!”

This is where I come in. I would be the best and toughest interviewer ever. Lot’s of people have told me this.

Let’ do a trial run…

Trump: I am saving Social Security.

Me: What specifically are you doing to save it?

Trump: Lot’s of stuff. Stuff the Democrats hate. I’m getting a lot of positive feedback on this.

Me: Name a couple of people that are giving you this positive feedback for doing something that you are unable to describe.

Now, since Trump is making all of this up as he goes along, this could get to be really fun.

Trump: You know that Hillary wanted to crush Social Security. They won’t tell you that.

Me: How was she trying to crush Social Security? Who won’t tell me that?

Trump has no idea how Social Security works. He has no idea how healthcare works. In fact, I would not be surprised if he knows less about every aspect of his job than say…a college freshman that is considering majoring in Political Science.

My point is…Trump is pretending to do his job and we are letting him get away with it.

Yes, it’s entertaining to watch…but is that enough to justify the long-term damage he is causing?

Someone needs to challenge him. It won’t come from the right because, let’s face it…they fear his wrath. They fear getting one of his pet names. His base won’t challenge him because they want him to be right. If they were to pay attention and discover that he is never right, then that would mean they have been following a false messiah. It’s best to just keep pretending and not look too deeply into truth of things.

My hope is that the midterms toss out enough of the Trumpublicans that those remaining will take note; that they will say, “Hey! This guy is dangerously incompetent and riding his coattails is not helping me keep my job.”

I know I’m right on this. Everyone says so.

Up, up and away…

Jim

The Interview

Posted on July 23, 2018 by admin

This just in: I was walking down the street today when I came across a man wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. I stopped him and asked if I could interview him. Here is the “hypothetical” interview.

Me: What did you think when you saw Trump on stage with Putin? He said our intelligence was wrong. He blamed Russian interference on the United States and said that he didn’t believe Russia interfered with our elections because Putin “strongly” denied it.

MAGA: Trump is a genius. He is playing Putin. Right now, Putin is fooled into believing that Trump is his friend. Trump will use this to his advantage later. He pretended to agree with Putin but really he doesn’t.

Me: Speaking of “later”, what did you think when Trump later said he believed our own intelligence agencies and blamed Russia for interfering in our elections?

MAGA: Trump speaks his mind. When he makes a mistake, he’s a man about it. The only reason we are even talking about this is because the fake news is trying to bring him down.

Me: Last night, Trump reversed himself yet again and said the Russian interference thing was all a hoax. How do you explain that?

MAGA: The press has always been against Trump. This is fake news. If this was such a big deal, why didn’t they throw Hillary in jail over her emails or Benghazi?

Me: Tell me what you know about Hillary’s emails or Benghazi.

MAGA: ….

Me: Okay…new subject. What do you think about Trump’s immigration policies?

MAGA (evangelical version): Everyone knows that Muslims are infiltrating our country. They are terrorists and they are trying to bring Sharia law into our country. God has sent Trump to us in order to preserve our Christian heritage just like our founding fathers wanted.

MAGA (white supremist version): Everyone knows that Mexican gangs are flooding across our borders. What we should be talking about is the fact that Democrats want Mexican gang members here so that our daughters will be raped. Trump is just trying to preserve our white culture, just like the founding fathers wanted.

I started to ask about Trump’s economic policies, his foreign policies, his attacks against NATO and his propensity to lie…about everything…but I could tell the interview was over as MAGA’s eyes began to glass over. It looked like he’d run out of data and would not be able to talk again until a fix of FOX NEWS tells him what to believe.

Time to save the world.

Up, up and away…

Jim