Deciphering Trump

This just in:  President Trump speaks at a 4th grade level.  He also uses incomplete or run-on sentences, making it difficult to ascertain what he is actually trying to convey by context alone.

I’m here to help.

The following is a list of what Trump says followed by what he actually means:

Trump Says: “I am not a racist.  In fact, I’m the least racist person you have ever met.”

What he means: “I don’t think I’m a racist because my biases against non-whites, the poor and the non-Christians of the world are justified.”

Trump Says: “Trust me,” or “Believe me”

What he means: “I am about to lie directly to you.”

What Trump Says: “I have big hands.”

What Trump means: “It’s important to me that you think I have a big dick.”

What Trump Says: “Lots of people have told me….”

What Trump means: “I have my own opinion based on nothing but will pretend that I am surrounded by people that share that opinion in spite of the fact that those “theoretical people” don’t really exist”

What Trump Says: “It’s someone else’s fault.”

What Trump means: “It’s my fault but I’m too emotionally weak to take the blame for my own errors.”

What Trump Says: “I have accomplished a lot.”

What Trump means: “I have accomplished nothing but I don’t want you to notice.”

What Trump Says: “That is fake news.”

What Trump means: “Don’t believe those news outlets that post factual stuff about my mistakes.”

What Trump Says: “There is no Russian collusion.”

What Trump means: “There is Russian collusion but if I deny it, then I’m in the clear.”

What Trump Says: “I won’t go to the UK because I think the new Embassy was a bad financial deal.”

What Trump means: “I know the British hate me and I fear them because of it.”

What Trump Says: “I respect women.”

What Trump means: “I think your memory is so short you will forget my past behavior.”

What Trump says: “The new Healthcare Plan or New Tax plan are going to be great.”

What Trump means: “I have no idea what is in the new Healthcare Plan or the New Tax plan.”

What Trump says: “I will be providing proof of this or that in a couple of weeks.”

What Trump means: “In a couple of weeks you will forget I ever said this.”

I think I could write a book on just this one topic.  However, it comes down to this: Trump lies constantly to everyone and has no idea how to do his job.

Just sayin…

Time to save the world.

Up, up and away…


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