This just in: President Trump speaks at a 4th grade level. He also uses incomplete or run-on sentences, making it difficult to ascertain what he is actually trying to convey by context alone.
I’m here to help.
The following is a list of what Trump says followed by what he actually means:
Trump Says: “I am not a racist. In fact, I’m the least racist person you have ever met.”
What he means: “I don’t think I’m a racist because my biases against non-whites, the poor and the non-Christians of the world are justified.”
Trump Says: “Trust me,” or “Believe me”
What he means: “I am about to lie directly to you.”
What Trump Says: “I have big hands.”
What Trump means: “It’s important to me that you think I have a big dick.”
What Trump Says: “Lots of people have told me….”
What Trump means: “I have my own opinion based on nothing but will pretend that I am surrounded by people that share that opinion in spite of the fact that those “theoretical people” don’t really exist”
What Trump Says: “It’s someone else’s fault.”
What Trump means: “It’s my fault but I’m too emotionally weak to take the blame for my own errors.”
What Trump Says: “I have accomplished a lot.”
What Trump means: “I have accomplished nothing but I don’t want you to notice.”
What Trump Says: “That is fake news.”
What Trump means: “Don’t believe those news outlets that post factual stuff about my mistakes.”
What Trump Says: “There is no Russian collusion.”
What Trump means: “There is Russian collusion but if I deny it, then I’m in the clear.”
What Trump Says: “I won’t go to the UK because I think the new Embassy was a bad financial deal.”
What Trump means: “I know the British hate me and I fear them because of it.”
What Trump Says: “I respect women.”
What Trump means: “I think your memory is so short you will forget my past behavior.”
What Trump says: “The new Healthcare Plan or New Tax plan are going to be great.”
What Trump means: “I have no idea what is in the new Healthcare Plan or the New Tax plan.”
What Trump says: “I will be providing proof of this or that in a couple of weeks.”
What Trump means: “In a couple of weeks you will forget I ever said this.”
I think I could write a book on just this one topic. However, it comes down to this: Trump lies constantly to everyone and has no idea how to do his job.
Time to save the world.
Up, up and away…