This just in: I recently sat next to a guy on an airplane that fit the MAGA profile to a tee. Although we never mentioned politics, he certainly fit the profile.

I got upgraded to first class and a giant, maybe 6’6” plops down beside me. He smells of alcohol and is somehow really loud without saying anything. His cell phone is playing a video on max volume for all of us to hear. I hate him already and they haven’t even closed the door to the plane.

I’m not interested in talking with a drunk so I try to ignore him. He clearly wants me to look his way and when I don’t, he eventually says, “So, you heading home to Rochester?”

Me: Nope.

Him: Where you from.

Me: California.

Him: Hmmmfff…one of those. I’m from Florida.

At this point, I just shifted so my back was sort of to him and he got the message.

Up in the air, we were offered drinks. He asked for “anything with alcohol in it.”

It was a 1 hour flight and he had 4 of these drinks.

Finally, he can’t help himself and turns to me and says out of the blue…

Him: Tesla

Me: Yes

Him: Why don’t they use the NASA battery.

Me: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Him: Those spaceships that have supposedly been sending back pictures for decades, they must have a good battery.

Me: I doubt that any battery stays charged for that long. I’m sure they have a way to generate electricity on the craft.

Him: No way. How would they do that?

Me: I don’t know but if I had to guess, they have a radioactive isotope onboard that generates heat which is then converted to electricity.

Him: How would it do that?

Me: I don’t know, I’m not a physicist.

Him: EXACTLY. You don’t know. They don’t want you to know. Do you really believe they have been sending back pictures for all of these years? That stuff is all made up.

Me: Really.

Him: Yes. OCCAM’S RAZOR says that the simplest solution is the right solution.

Me: This is why you think you are correct?

Him: I know I’m right.

Me: So, by your theory, if you don’t understand something, it doesn’t exist?

Him: Hey, I didn’t say that but I know for a fact all of that space crap is fake. For example, we never landed on the moon.

Me: Are you a conspiracy theorist?

Him: No way! I believe in critical thinking.

Me: Do you think the earth is flat?

Him: Hey, I’m not trying to argue!

It should be noted that my impression was that he very much wanted to argue. He’d been getting louder by the minute.

Me: We are done talking.

I turned away and he kept trying to engage.

Finally, a woman behind us reached between the seats and tapped him on the arm to get his attention.

He spun around and shouted, “Don’t you touch me!!”

This is a 300 pound monster yelling at a little woman. All she said was, “I think you are being too loud.”

He went on yelling about “touching” as if she had just stabbed him with a knife.

Meanwhile, the plane had landed and was coming to the gate. I could see the flight attendant was paying very close attention in case things got out of hand.

They didn’t.

The drunk was the first one off the plane and left with quite a huff.

I never felt like I was in any danger although at one point I had to tell myself to be ready to grab him if he went for the woman behind us.

This story is really about the fact that there are people like this. He was convinced that his critical though process had proved that there was no space program. In spite of mountains of data and proof. Just like people believe Trump when he says the election was stolen. They are certain that their critical thinking skills are working at max capacity and yet…they can’t see that the world is not flat just because they want it to be.

Alas…

Time to save the world.

Up, up and away…

Jim