This just in: I’ve decided to become a Republican…for the duration of this post. I then interview myself.
Old Me: So, it looks like Trump was warned about Flynn by Obama and Yates long before Flynn was fired. In fact, Flynn was only fired once the Washington Post revealed this fact.
Republican Me: Yes, we should find out who leaked that information to the Washington Post. Leaks, not Russia, are the biggest threat to democracy.
Old Me: We should invest in Green Energy since it means a cleaner planet and tens of thousands of high payinig jobs.
Republican Me: Coal is the future. We should also drill for oil in our national parks and off the shores of California. We also need to lift the anti-pollution regulations surrounding fossil fuels since they are the reason we coal jobs are going away.
Old Me: We should fix our borders and deport those that have come here illegally AND have proven that they are a danger to our society. However, I don’t think we deport law abiding people that are here already and are paying taxes and contributing to the community.
Republican Me: Mexicans are taking jobs from Americans. If we deport all people currently picking lettuce, then we will have millions of new, high paying jobs.
Old Me: The Free Press is a cornerstone of our Country.
Republican Me: If its not on Fox News, its not flattering to my party and thus, is fake news. I applaud the Trump plan to ban all television stations but Fox News in government facilities. No, I don’t see any relationship to this plan and the RT news outlet in Russia.
Old Me: Democracy means that everyone gets to vote; every vote counts.
Republican Me: If people don’t vote Republican then screw them. Gerrymandering and voter suppression are legitimate tools.
Old Me: There sure is a lot of smoke about Russia and Trump. The National Security position was filled by a man later found to be associated with Russia and lied about it. The Attorney General met with Russians and lied about it. Senior Advisor Kushner met with the Russians and lied about it. The Secretary of State was awarded a Friend of Russia by Putin. Other advisors have also been found to have been associated with Russia and WikiLeaks and lied about it. There is something there.
Republican Me: Fake news.
Old Me: Fix Healthcare. Cover more people. Lower costs. Look to numerous successes in the rest of the world for models of what works. Single Payer seems to be a success everywhere they use it.
Republican Me: So long as we pass something that is not ObamaCare, we really don’t care what that healthcare plan accomplishes.
Old Me: Trump lies too much. In fact, one lie is too many; never mind the numerous lies each and every day.
Republican Me: Fake news.
Old Me: Our international relations are important. They make us secure.
Republican Me: We have the biggest military so…Fuck the UK, Fuck Australia, Fuck Mexico, Fuck Canada, Fuck Germany, Fuck France, Fuck the EU and Fuck Nato. Did I miss anyone?
Old Me: Our country was not founded on Christianity but rather on religious freedom
Republican Me: God likes Christians. In fact, God want Christian churches to be able to contribute to my campaign funds. Muslims are terrorists.
Old Me: Income inequality is the biggest threat to our economy. In fact, Ben Bernanke was on television the other day and said exactly that several times; at the same time disparaged Trump’s tax plan. I also agree with Bernanke that infrastructure spending will return more to the economy than the investment.
Republican Me: What we need is to lower the tax rate on the rich. That is how we will achieve economic growth never before seen. Bigly!
Old Me: If we cut $850 Billion from Medicaid, the poor and the elderly will have less coverage.
Republican Me: By cutting $850 billion and then taking what is left and sending that to the states, the increase in efficiency will easily pay for the cut. Move along….there is nothing to see here….
Wow! That was really easy.
Time to shower the Republican off for me. I have a world to save.
Up, up and away…