This just in: Nearly everyone that is within my field of vision at an airport – is out to get me.
I know, I know…sounds crazy.
But how else can you explain that no one is ever walking at the speed I think they should be walking at. They always seem to bunch up in front of me; eat food that I either hate or want badly and talk too loud or whisper too low for me to determine if they are plotting against me. They have on the wrong clothes and talk into the wrong phones.
Alas…
So, realizing that I’m feeling rather judgemental this morning, I’ve decided to vent and thus rid myself of this unjustified feeling of superiority. I write and then leave it to the wind from whence it came…
If you think evolution is not real – you are wrong.
If you think 2 + 2 = 4.00001, then you are just a little wrong.
If you don’t think the Republican Party is actively trying to sabotage the economy to make Obama look bad, then you are very, very wrong.
If you think Islamic Jihadists are selectively taking parts of the Koran to justify their actions, then you are…right.
If you think Evangelical Christians are doing the same thing with the bible, then you are right again.
If you think God made Eve from Adam’s rib, then you failed pre-biology 101.
If you think a tax cut for the rich affects the economy in the same was as a tax cut for the middle class, then you are easily manipulated.
If you think Obama is the reason our national debt is so high, then you have trouble reading pie charts.
If you paid $30 to eat “free” bananas at United’s Lounge in O’Hare, then you are bad at math (and probably buy lots of Duty Free stuff).
If you don’t think a burrito stuffed with Dorrito chips from Taco Bell is delicious… well then you and I disagree.
If you have never been to the Air Force Museum in Dayton, Ohio, then you still have at least one thing left on your “bucket” list.
If you think Romney is NOT a weasel, then you are either wrong, or taking the description too literally.
If you think being a businessman makes you a good president, then you must also think that having a doctorate in Economics would make you the best president everr…and you would be wrong.
If you like cake soaked in milk, then you and I agree on at least one thing.
If you have shared a laugh out loud with a loved one recently, then you know what true happiness is.
If you think the Pope knows more about the will of God than the homeless man sleeping on the streets, then you are wrong.
If you think God made up or endorses the rules that your religions put onto your shoulders, then you are way wrong.
If you think Mitch McConnell does not work for the oil companies, you probably also believe in the Easter Bunny.
If you think an ugly Michelle Bachmann couldn’t even be elected to PTA president at a local high school…you are right.
If you think Bill O’Reilly will say anything for a paycheck – you are right.
If you think George Bush is a good man with a low IQ who is easily manipulated, then you and I agree.
Time to catch a plane, and just one more free banana.
Up, up and away…
Jim
